Ageism

Let’s talk about ageism and how it affects females in a patriarchal world. I’m not writing this to make accusations, rather, it’s an observation as I have grown up in Australia after migrating from the United States of America as a baby. This may have been one of the better decisions made by my parents. Research states that most Indigenous societies were matriarchal – where females were the decision makers, teachers, and were equal alongside their male counterparts. They would hunt, gather and bring up a family together. There’s a misconception that matriarchal societies are a reversal of patriarchy – where females rule over males. This is incorrect. Research has shown that matriarchal societies were and are without exception, gender-egalitarian societies. In many cases, they were shown to be fully egalitarian societies. In matriarchal societies, there was a lack of hierarchy, class and free of domination of one gender over the other. They are stabilised by clear guidelines and codes. Equality in a matriarchal society does not mean just a levelling of differences. The natural differences between genders and generations are respected and honored. These natural differences do not lead to hierarchies which is common in a patriarchal society. In a matriarchal society, it is recognised that each gender and generation have value and dignity. They are dependent on each other through a system of complimentary activities. In a matriarchal society, women can be leaders, can rule, own land, and assets which are passed down through a female line, from mother to daughter. Also, rather than women moving in with a husband upon marriage, the men join their new brides’ household. Older women are regarded as the strongest pillars in society. Women are central to the community. Males are not oppressed, they are marginal in familial organisation. All family members work together for the benefit of everyone else. Families are a team, just as work members are part of a team. The family unit works together.

Females in this day and age, are better educated (some holding two to three degrees over males), hold more leadership and professional roles than before. There is a shift happening even though the gender age gap still exists due to being a patriarchal society. Watching the Paris 2024 Olympics, the gold medals achieved by Australian Olympic athletes thus far have been women. The Paris 2024 Olympics is the first games held where there is equal representation of genders. We are seeing advancements in society, however, in 2024, these should be the norm – not the exception. As an Asian female, I have worked in male dominated industries, I have encountered, sexism, ageism and bullying across all industries, mainly by other female leaders. It seems in a patriarchal society, women become competitive and see another competent female as a threat. Instead of collaborating and working together, in my experience, female leaders have bullied me which either made me resign, or told I was not a fit for the organisation – even though they were the ones who interviewed me and hired me. I have encountered sexism and bullying from male leaders as well, although much less in contrast to female leaders.

As females get older, research has shown that our brain functioning gets better with age. Especially as women reach menopause. However, societal conditioning does not allow women to age. Once you reach your forties, fifties and definitely your sixties, you are considered past your prime when it is the opposite. Women reach their prime in their forties, fifties and sixties. It is mainly due to being part of a patriarchal society, where males are given control over females. The male rhetoric of women being old or past their prime at a certain age is conditioned into us from an early age. I often say to people, if we view ages as levels – saying we have levelled up sounds better than getting older. I mean, how good does it sound to say we’ve levelled up to level 40, 50 or 60 rather than we’re getting older? Also, age is just a number. As spiritual beings having a human experience, we’re ageless. As spirits, we move through this human experience. We can feel older, younger or our age at different times in our lives. How we perceive ourselves and others will determine our interactions with each other. Often, females are ostracised because of their age when they are older in a patriarchal society. However, their skills, wisdom and experience are valued in a matriarchal society. These are passed down to the next generation. This is the legacy older females contribute to society.

Let’s flip the script and celebrate females in their prime. What older females have learned and experienced by a certain age, makes us better leaders, partners, parents and siblings. Female celebrities are celebrated for being in great shape in their forties, fifties, sixties and seventies. Celebrities such as Beyoncé, Shakira, Jennifer Lopez, Kylie Minogue, Madonna and Dolly Parton to name a few. We have had female celebrities who have dated or married younger males throughout history – it is a reversal of the older male with a younger female. It should not be an exception, it should be the norm. Companionship, friendship, love and commitment are without boundaries. Elizabeth Taylor, Cher and Tina Turner are powerful, strong females who were ahead of their time. Cleopatra is another, she was educated, beautiful, smart and a great leader. Marilyn Monroe is another. Who says women cannot be multifaceted? Who says women can’t be smart and beautiful? Who says women over a certain age are past their prime? From my experience, women are like a fine wine, we get better with age.

As females, we need to support each other as we know what it’s like and how hard it can be to live and work in a patriarchal society. Double standards, sexism and ageism apply to all females. If females stopped competing against each other and supported each other, we would get more things accomplished. women come in all shapes and sizes, all ethnicities and backgrounds. Let’s celebrate the diversity, not shame women for it.

Here are 5 matriarchal societies where females are in charge:

• India’s Khasi Tribe – In the Khasi culture, property and wealth are inherited through the female line. Women have a strong say in household and community decisions. Women are also free to choose their own partners and divorce is not stigmatised.
• China’s Musuo People – Here, any property is passed down through the female line. Women are the primary decision makers in the family. Children are raised by their mothers and maternal uncles. There is no concept of marriage. Women have “walking marriages” where they are free to choose their partners and can end the relationship at any time.
• Indonesia’s Minangkabau People – Property and wealth are inherited through the female line. Women hold a high status in Minangkabau culture. Women are often the family and community decision makers.
• Ghana’s Akan People – Inheritance and succession are traced through the female line. Women hold high status in Akan culture and often make the important decisions regarding family and community affairs. Women have a strong presence in Akan society.
• Costa Rica’s Bribri People – An indigenous community where women are the heads of households and responsible for passing down their culture, traditions, and land to their daughters. Men do not hold the same authority level as women but have important roles in Bribri society too.

When we as humans, realise we are stronger together and we are all connected. We all bleed the same colour – red. When we realise we need each other and the planet, we will live in peace and realise we’re all dependent on each other. As humans, we create our reality. If we don’t like how society is, we have the power to change it. However, are we ready for this type of change? Are we ready to work for the benefit of each other or are we going to be responsible for our own extinction? Food for thought.

As a female myself, I have been on the receiving end of ageism – in all forms. In life, leadership, cultural and societal. I have been on the receiving end of bullying and discrimination by many female leaders, as well as males.

What I would like to ask is this – what type of world do we want to live in? What type of world do we want to create? Presently, it is one I am observing as divisive, discriminative, oppressive, abusive and cruel. It’s no wonder so many people are choosing not to have children. Why would we want to raise more people to live in this current world? I cannot change my heritage and ethnicity anymore than you can. Let’s learn to accept each other and our differences. Let’s learn to value diversity and inclusivity in a world that is expanding, not shrinking. Is that too hard to do? Just imagine.